Know your stars Crash Bandicoot and friends
by Red Panda Bear
Summary: Thank you to elemental goddess of fire for the use of characters.
1. Crash

_Crash, the reason that he can't talk is he used to drink lightning when he was 2._

"Are you mad?" Crash said. "I can't talk in the games because the game makers don't want to pay someone to sound my voice."

_Crash, he shaves his head to get a Mohawk._

"What! I don't shave my hair is shaped like that."

_He's dating his own sister._

"I don't date family!"

_Well you were hugging her yesterday._

"She's my sister! I love her because she's my sister!"

_He becomes constipated from eating ants and old running shoes._

"You are so stupid." Crash said.

_The only reason he can get the crystals is that Cortex feels bad for him._

"Cortex hates me. What world are you living in."

_Crash, he trips over his own shoes because he is retarded._

"Now you're starting to annoy me buddy."

_The reason he looks so demented is because he fell on his face every second until last week._

"That made no sense."

_Now you know Crash, the head shaving, sister dating, ant eater, retarded and demented person._

"Shut up!" Crash exploded.

_Please Review_


	2. Coco

_Coco, she loves wearing pink poofy dresses while having tea parties._

"I love electronics not tea parties!"

_She is so poor she has to date hobos just to make enough money to use the toilet._

"Just shut up will you!"

_She's a mean bully!_

"Oh really, you're the one insulting people."

_She's so dumb she makes Hillary Duff look like Einstein. _

"Well I've never heard of Hillary Duff."

_Coco only listens to music from the 1920's._

"Hey!"

_She has a crush on N. Gin!_

"Are you nuts? I'm dating Dingodile."

_Coco likes dating old mud bloods._

"You better stop now buddy!"

_Now you know Coco the tea party going, hobo dating mean bully who makes Hillary Duff look like Einstein while listening to music from the 1920's all the while longing for mudbloods and N.Gin!_

"Lies! Lies!"


	3. AkuAku

_Aku Aku, he accidentally hot glued three hideous paper feathers to his head while doing arts and crafts!_

"I'm a mask what do you expect?"

_He secretly wants Uka Uka to kill the bandicoots!_

"No! I Protect the bandicoots."

_He's getting beat up by Py-Ro for kissing his girlfriend Ti-ti._

"I don't date evil masks!"

_Then who do you date?_

"Yeah right, you think I'd tell you."

_He couldn't get a date if he tried to sell his three ugly feathers._

"The bandicoots are right, you should get a better hobby."

_He wishes to meet Hobbit._

"No I said Hobby not Hobbit."

_He doesn't even know what he said two seconds ago! Talk about bad memory._

"This interview is over!"

_Now you know Aku Aku who glued three paper feathers to his head while rooting for Uka Uka, kissing Ti-ti._

"Get a hobby!"


	4. Cortex

_Cortex, his head is so big that airplane pilots think he's a blimp._

"What! My head may be big but I'm not a blimp."

_Uka Uka had to hire him or he would loose his toy factory!_

"Do you even know what you're saying?"

_Cortex doesn't know what he says, he just blurts out random words._

"Yeesh the good guys are right! You are stupid!"

_Cortex, he likes to kiss Coco when no one is looking._

"I WHAT?"

_Cortex is so stupid that he can't remember his mother's name. Which is pretty sad because he lives with her._

"That's it I'm through!"

_Now you know Cortex the blimp like toy factory stealing blurter of random words who kisses Coco and can't remember his mother's name._

"None of that is true!"


	5. Uka Uka

_Uka Uka, he has no fashion sense. That's why he's going for the caveman look._

"Are you demented or something? I don't like looking like a caveman!"

_Then why do you have those three bones on your head?_

"Because that's the way I was made." Uka snapped.

_He secretly has a crush on Ti-ti._

"What is it with this Ti-ti person?"

_Your temper goes off so much your minions had to install a fire alarm!_

"Do you even think before you speak?"

_Uka Uka loves Ti-ti._

"I swear boy if I hear about this Ti-ti again you'll be sorry!"

_Uka Uka likes to swear!_

"I never said that!"

_Now you know Uka Uka the mask who likes the caveman look, has a crush on Ti-ti, his minions had to install a fire alarm because of his temper, and he swears at everyone living._

"SHUT UP ALREADY!"

Review


	6. Pasadena

_Pasadena, her family is so poor that she had to work for Von Clutch or her baby sister would die of hunger._

"I don't have a sister. Besides we weren't poor. I was going to get a job at Dolly wood but

they thought I wasn't skinny enough."

_Pasadena weighs 1,000 pounds because she is fat._

"I never said I was fat I just wasn't skinny enough."

_Pasadena loves Crash!_

"I most certainly do not!"

_Than why were you flirting with him and calling him cutie._

"So I could distract him to win the races."

_She likes to use poor lover boys to her advantage._

"Everyone is right you make no sense." she growled.

_She was dating old Von Clutch!_

"What! No, he's just my employer."

_Yeesh! None of these people can get dates._

"I'm not interested in boys!"

_She is so ugly!_

"Alright this interview is officially OVER!"

_Now you know Pasadena a girl who worked for Von Clutch to give her sis food, weighs 1,000 pounds, while longing for Crash and Von Clutch and couldn't get a date!_

"None of that is the truth!"


	7. Littlee

_Littlee, she's so weak that she can't even lift a feather!_

"Watch if bucko! I'm very strong!"

_Then why couldn't you get this bottle of ketchup open?_

"I can get ketchup open!" she growled.

_Well you couldn't in this video. _

The voice shows a tape of a little mouse girl with 5 pigtails and a pink poofy dress struggling to get ketchup open.

"That's not me! She's not even my species.

_Gwen changed her species because Littlee was an ugly mouse._

"What! That's not true!"

_Well here's a videotape of Gwen saying it._

A video comes on of a beautiful woman saying she changed Littlee's species.

"That's not her! She is Cortex's sister she was ugly!"

_Littlee got many beatings from Crunch because she told Gwen that she was ugly!_

"Crunch is my boyfriend and is good. You are very dumb."

_Littlee is so dumb!_

"Alright bucko this interview is over!"

_Now you know Littlee who is so weak she can't open ketchup got her species change because she was ugly, and gets beat up by her boyfriend._

"Come back here so I can cream you!"


	8. Tawana

_Tawana, she enjoys breaking hearts._

_"_I refuse to comment on that one." Tawana said bitterly.

_Tawana has so many boyfriends that she doesn't even know all their names._

"That's not true!"

_Tawana ignores the little mouse girl's phone calls wanting back the hula hoop back that she wears for a shirt._

"Why this is proposterious!" she exclaimed.

_Tawana is so tall that she eats peanuts off Paul Bunion's head._

"What that isn't true at all."

_Tawana likes to accuse people of being liars._

"No I don't, but what you say is a bunch of lies!"

_Tawana enjoys going to the mall and eating cotton candy and pizza._

"I go to the mall to shop for trendy clothes not to eat at the food court."

_Tawana buys clothes that say "I is sexy!_

"I don't wear clothes like that!" Tawana said.

_Tawana wears clothes of pirates saying avast!_

"I don't...wait pirates don't say arrg do they?'

_I'm sorry your time is up._

"Huh?"

_Now you know Tawana a girl who breaks hearts, has a lot of boyfriends, wears hula hoops for shirts is tall and accuses people of being liars. Now I'm going to play golf!"_

"I'm not done with you!"


	9. Crunch

_Crunch, he lifts weights so much that he became bored with it and decided to lift poor little school girls._

"I don't lift school girls I lift weights. I'm not bored with them."

_Crunch is the first male anorexic._

"I'm not anorexic!"

_Well in Crash Nitro Kart you said to eat less and exercise more._

"If you eat all the time you don't lose weight."

_So you're anorexic and trying to poison the youth of the Earth._

"No I'm not anorexic and how did I poison the youth?"

_You're telling the poor kids not to eat._

"This is boring."

_He beats up his girlfriend Littlee!_

"No I don't."

_His mother is so fat she plays pool Jupiter._

"What!"

_Sir this stage is only for the cast and guests._

"But I am a guest!'

_Security!_

"Hey!"

_It was rude of Crunch to never show up._


	10. Dingodile

_Dingodile, the only reason he's dating Coco is to go to her fancy tea parties!_

"What no it's not!"

_That's right! He likes to cut up her clothes so she looks like his class._

"I'm not poor."

_You work for the one that pilots mistake for a blimp._

"Cortex isn't that bad."

_Oh please you get fed once a week._

"That's a lie."

_PU! Do you ever shower?_

"The only thing that stinks in here is you."

_Dingodile is a peace making penguin loving sap._

"What!"

He picks up his flamethrower and starts burning the furniture.

_Now you know Dingodile the one who gets fed once a week,never showers and loves penguins. Good thing he's going to prison!_


	11. Tiny

_Tiny, he is so whimpy that he can't even fight a rock._

"Tiny smash you."

_He is very fat._

"Tiny smash you."

_He can't even say more that one sentence._

_He is very annoying._

"Tiny smash you."

_He doesn't know how to take a hint._

"Tiny smash you."

_He is about to go to the cuckoo hut. _

"Tiny smash you."

_Sorry for the annoyance all you fans out there._


	12. Riperoo

**Ripperoo will speak in gibberish because he cannot talk. Thank you to all my reviewers.**

_Ripperoo he is retarded._

"Goonohniohibfoihw"

_This only proves my point._

"Hpibhigobaovgfovov"

_Ok uh I have nothing more to say._

"_boibvppvvppvovoovopvrfkf"_

**I know this chapter stinks.**


	13. Pinstripe

_Pinstripe loves to pick flowers._

"Untrue"

_He doesn't care what I think._

"Duh."

_I think he should go jump off a cliff._

"Not going to."

_He loves to wear polka dots._

"I wear pinstripes!"

_Polka dots._

"Dude look at my shirt.

He shoots his tommy gun off and is hauled away


	14. Finale

_Ok everyone we couldn't get anyone else to come down here so we have a special guest for our finale._

Red Panda Bear walks in confused.

"What am I doing here I was on my way to the mall.

_Red Panda never showers._

"WHAT! That is a lie."

_Red Panda is in kindergarten._

"No I'm not and I've heard better insults from a pig."

_Red Panda is mean._

"That insult is boring."

_Red Panda beat up a guy for hitting her with a basketball._

"This is retarded I'm going home."

_Aww the fun's all over._

**Ok I can finally put this story to bed. Thank you god. Also thank you to my reviewers. You guys are so special! And If you're reading this without reviewing curse you! Please no flames.  
**


End file.
